I call it garbage disposal juice. That’s what it tastes like. Tiny pieces of food that get regurgitated in small volcanoes that used to house your wisdom teeth into delicious brown goo. It comes out in little globs, brown and squishy, making you wonder what they used to be in their original state. Turkey? Mashed potatoes? Chocolate? No, not chocolate. That is supposed to melt in your mouth.
At night, during the day and especially in the morning your four personal garbage disposals are in full throttle. Need your fix? Just make a sucking motion with your mouth and the good stuff comes oozing out. Or give your tongue a permission to do what it’s been wanting to do all along, which is to go poking around in places where it doesn’t belong. The tongue might argue that it’s its own territory we’re talking about and it’s entitled to survey the damage and that it’s tyranny to keep it away. So don’t. It’s pressing and poking will delight your taste buds with fresh bursts of sumptuous rot.
You wonder if there’s a good reason why people keep their distance from you at the checkout line. You chew gum but still wonder. The gum also pulls out little goo globs, which add an new dimension to the peppermint flavor.
You try to go on a liquid diet and tell yourself that it will be an easy way to lose a few pounds. Liquid diet lasts until dinner.
As a responsible individual, you tell yourself that deriving pleasure from this is wrong and try to keep your mini volcanoes clean by swishing them with warm salted water. This only produces more juice, but this time its flavor profile is intensified by salt. After all, the rules of cooking still apply. Salt makes things taste better.
In the meantime, you experiment with pain drugs and wonder why you didn’t as much as smoke pot as a teenager. That question rises again and again as you sink deeper into the second season of Breaking Bad. Here’s a taste.