The first group tears away sloth’s long nails that are trying to keep them pinned to a warm and soft pillow. They look at themselves in the mirror and say, “I don’t know this person, but I’ll comb your hair.” They pour themselves a cup of coffee even though every neuron in the brain is screaming, “One more cup and I’m moving to the South Pole.” At work, they work so hard on focusing that switching to Facebook feels like taking a drag.
The second group nuzzles their pillow as if it were soft fur of a sloth who’d come to tuck them in. They let the blanket envelope them with the warmth of a tropical forest (but try to keep from wetting your bed for extra moisture). Instead of reading emails on their phone, they gently rock their heads to see if their brain had turned into Jello and oh yes! Look it wiggles. Then they close their big dark eyes and imagine themselves Alice in Wonderland, falling down the rabbit’s hole and thinking “Curiouser and curioser.”
The good news is that sloths are not extinct, which means that somehow they are useful. That’s my comforting thought when I feel like a sloth.